Are you feeling overwhelmed and unmotivated in life lately? Have changes in your mood, energy levels, sleeping patterns, and appetite affected your overall quality of life? Feeling frustrated with or disconnected from our bodies is easy when these things happen. Before blaming your body, have you considered that these changes might result from stress?

Stress is a natural part of our lives. Whether work-related pressures, personal relationships, or just the hustle and bustle of modern life, we all grapple with stress. Dealing with stress can be challenging, but there’s good news – taking a holistic approach to stress management can make a world of difference! 

 By adopting a holistic approach to stress management, we can nurture our mind, body, and spirit and improve our overall well-being. Let’s explore what stress is, why a holistic approach to its management is essential, and how you can embrace this perspective to enhance your well-being.

 

Understanding Stress

Before we delve into stress management, let’s understand what stress is and where it comes from. Stress is a natural response that dates back to our primitive ancestors; a survival mechanism triggered when they faced physical threats. Today, stress takes on various forms, including acute stress (short-term, immediate stressors) and chronic stress (long-term, ongoing stressors).

The sources of stress are diverse ranging from financial worries and work-related pressures to health concerns and social interactions. It can be mental, emotional, or physical, manifesting differently for each individual. In essence, stress is a complex, multifaceted part of life that affects us all at some point.

Taking a Holistic Perspective

Why should we take a holistic approach to managing stress? Well, stress doesn’t just affect one aspect of our lives—it has a domino effect, impacting our mental, emotional, and physical well-being, as well as our relationships and overall quality of life. To tackle stress effectively, we must consider all these interconnected aspects.

What Does Holistic Mean?

A holistic perspective means recognizing the interdependence of our mind, body, and spirit and our relationship with the world around us. It’s about understanding that what affects one aspect of our life will ripple into other areas. For example, a stressful work environment can lead to emotional strain, which can then take a toll on our physical health and lead to chronic health conditions.

Interdependent Holistic Impact

When we’re stressed, it’s not just our mental state that suffers; our body feels the tension, too. Ongoing stress can result from headaches, muscle tension, and a compromised immune system. This, in turn, affects our ability to engage in nurturing activities, connect with our loved ones, and maintain a positive mindset.

 

Tools for Holistic Stress Management

To tackle stress holistically, we need various tools in our arsenal. These include holistic wellness, self-care, and community care.

Self-Care: Self-care is about giving yourself the love and attention you deserve. It can be as simple as meditating, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy. It’s about respecting your body, embracing body peace, and caring for your physical and mental health. Adequate sleep, nourishing food, body movement that feels good, and finding time for relaxation are all essential components of self-care.

Holistic Wellness: Holistic wellness involves nurturing your body and mind through practices that promote overall well-being. This might include yoga, acupuncture, aromatherapy, reiki, or breathwork. It’s about exploring what works best for you and understanding the interconnectedness of the mind, body, and soul. 

 Community Care: You’re not alone in this journey. Strengthening your bonds with friends and family can provide a vital support system. Sharing feelings, seeking help, and engaging in social activities can significantly reduce stress. Community care also extends to being kind and compassionate to others, as this can create a positive, stress-reducing environment. Finding kindred spirits on the same holistic wellness journey can empower and nurture your soul.

Professional Support:  While self-care, holistic wellness, and community care are valuable tools, they may not be sufficient for everyone. Consider seeking support from a therapist, counselor, or other qualified mental health professional if needed. You can also contact Ivy Felicia, a certified holistic wellness coach, to help you learn how to manage stress in your body and life through Body Relationship® coaching. 

 

Stress is a universal experience but doesn’t have to consume our lives. By taking a holistic approach to stress management, we can nurture our overall well-being and better navigate life’s challenges. Self-care, holistic wellness, and community care are the tools in our kit, offering us a path toward a more balanced, healthier, and stress-resilient existence. Remember, it’s not about eliminating stress but learning to manage it and live a happier, more fulfilled life. Embrace the holistic perspective, be kind to yourself, and let your well-being thrive.

 We are here to help you navigate stress holistically! There’s more information to come. Don’t miss out.   Click here to join our mailing list and get tools and practices sent directly to you. 

 

As fall arrives with its golden leaves and crisp air, it’s important to be aware of the changes it brings, both in the external world and within ourselves. Seasonal depression, often referred to as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), is a challenge many face during this season. We are here to empower you and provide guidance on how to embrace and thrive with these changes —mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual—that fall may bring. 

Understanding Seasonal Depression 

Seasonal depression, often referred to as SAD, is a form of depression that typically occurs during specific seasons, most commonly in the fall and winter. 

Imagine the changing of seasons as a natural rhythm that affects not just the world around us, but also our inner world. For many people, the transition from the vibrant, light-filled days of spring and summer to the colder, darker months of fall and winter can trigger a noticeable shift in mood. This shift is what characterizes seasonal depression, and it’s an experience that deserves empathy and support. 

People who experience SAD may find themselves feeling a sense of heaviness, sadness, and a lack of energy as the days grow shorter and daylight diminishes. These feelings can have a profound impact on their overall well-being, making even simple tasks seem more challenging. It’s important to remember that this is not a sign of weakness or a lack of resilience. Instead, it’s a genuine and biologically-rooted response to environmental changes. 

 The Mental Shift 

Fall may usher in a mental shift. You might feel a bit down or less motivated. Instead of fighting these feelings, embrace them. Your mind, like the seasons, goes through natural cycles. To counter this shift, consider mindfulness exercises, deep breathing exercises, breathwork, positive affirmations, and gratitude journaling. These practices can help you regain control over your thoughts and emotions. 

Embracing Emotional Shifts 

As the days get shorter and colder, it’s natural to experience emotional shifts.. Emotionally, you might feel the weight of the season’s darkness. It’s crucial not to judge these emotions. Instead of resisting these feelings, accept them as a part of your journey.  Seek out a support system, whether friends, family, or a therapist, and engage in activities that ignite your joy. Allow yourself to feel and heal. 

Nurturing Physical Well-Being 

Physical changes often accompany the fall season. Your food relationship may shift in alignment with your body’s needs.  Be open to exploration and seek support to maintain balance, if necessary. Prioritize moving your body daily in a way that feels good to you, focus on foods that are not only comforting but nourishing and ensure you are getting enough rest. These practices will help sustain your physical well-being through the season and play a big role in your mental health as well. 

Reconnect Spiritually 

Use the fall season as an opportunity to reconnect with your inner self. Engage in activities that nourish your spirit, such as meditation, spending time in nature, or exploring creative endeavors. The fall is a great time to find comfort in turning inwards and cocooning while nurturing your body mind and spirit for re-growth in the spring. Spiritual growth takes time, so be patient with yourself. 

Staying mindful and dedicating time to nurture your mind, body and spirit is key to overcoming seasonal depression. Here are some tools to help you reclaim your power: 

1.  Create a Daily Routine: Establish a routine that includes self-care activities to provide structure and stability. 

2. Seek Professional Help: If needed, therapy and counseling can provide invaluable support and guidance. 

3. Build a Support System: Surround yourself with a supportive community of friends and family who understand your journey. 

4. Set Achievable Goals: Small, achievable goals can boost your self-esteem and sense of accomplishment. 

5. Embrace the Season: Enjoy the beauty of fall by spending time outdoors, taking in the colorful foliage, and engaging in outdoor activities. 

Acceptance and Growth 

Remember that accepting your imperfections is a vital part of your journey. Growth takes time, and there’s no rush to perfection. Our motto, “Patience over Perfection,” reminds you that evolution happens gradually. You have the power to choose whether to accept where you are or work on improvement at your own pace. 

As you step into the fall season, remember that your power to overcome and excel is within you. We stand beside you on your journey. The changes in your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being are natural and nothing to be ashamed of. Your evolution is a beautiful, ongoing process. Embrace it with patience, and you will find that strength and light within you to overcome seasonal depression and flourish in the autumn’s embrace. 

Hustle, grind, win, achieve…there are so many buzz words that focus on productivity these days.  It is a trend in our society to do everything, give everything, and risk everything just to get ahead and be “successful.”  But what does success mean? If we accomplish all of our material and business goals but neglect our health and well-being, are we truly living a successful life?

How important to you is nourishing your body and self?  Look at the things you have on your to-do list for the next 5 days.  How many of those things incorporate self-care practices?  How much do you prioritize loving and caring for your holistic health: body, emotions, mind, and spirit?  Have you placed “productivity” above quality time with your body and self?  Do you think that postponing relaxation and self-care will help you get ahead and achieve more in life?  I’d venture to say that it won’t, and here is why:

Neglecting the care of body and self will cause a gradual deficit in every area of your life.  The more deficient you become in your body, mind, emotions, and spirit, the less equipped you are to be competent in any role you take on.  The less competent you are in your roles and responsibilities, the less likely you will achieve your life goals successfully.

Self-care comes in many forms and can look different for each person.  When you deliberately prioritize your well-being, you practice self-care.  Prioritizing self-care is an act of radical self-love.  One of the most powerful things about love is that it HEALS!  By making self-care a habit, you embrace true self-love and can bring healing into every area of your life.  Although the benefits are numerous, here are a few examples that may inspire you to begin practicing self-care now:

STRESS

Taking the time to practice self-care consistently can help reduce stress levels in your life.  Whether you choose movement, rest, or even pursuing a hobby as a form of self-care, it can help you to release stress.  Stress is a major cause of several health issues in your body and mind.  Reducing stress levels can help heal or even prevent many of those issues.

 

FOOD RELATIONSHIP

Often, we are at war with food because we do not honor it as a way to nourish our bodies.  Sometimes a disordered relationship with food can be a manifestation of neglected self-care.  The body is designed to communicate through signals; when we neglect or misread those signals, we can assume that food is our solution.  Sometimes, our body signals mean we need sleep, water, vitamins, or even connection with others.  When we take the time to love and care for our bodies, we become more in tune with the signals and learn what our true needs are.  We can embrace a harmonious relationship with food and use it as a tool to better our well-being rather than a substitute for our real needs.

 

INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS

I’m not just talking sex (although that improves too).  When you are taking better care of yourself and prioritizing your own health and well-being, you will be a happier person overall.  Although it feels selfish to put your self-care at the top of your to-do list, the truth is that you will be a better partner, parent, friend, etc., for those you love when you feel loved yourself.  We cannot make our happiness and life satisfaction the responsibility of our loved ones and think that it will make for healthy intimate relationships. That expectation of others will simply incite resentment. We are responsible for the love and care of ourselves first so that we can be equipped to love others well.  If each person in the relationship practices this, everyone will receive the healthy, well-balanced version of the love they deserve.

 

PRODUCTIVITY

Productivity is not a “bad” thing in itself.  It becomes harmful when you obsess over it.  It can be unhealthy when you put your wellness and self-love to the side to be productive.  I invite you to consider the possibility that taking the time to care for yourself can be a form of productivity.  When you are investing in your well-being, you are ensuring that you are producing a better version of yourself.  Time invested in loving and caring for you is never time wasted.  The more you work on self-development, you will ensure that your success will also show up in other areas of your work.  Your creativity will be sparked, your clarity will increase, and your endurance will be extended.  Whatever you put your hands to will be done with more positive energy and assurance.  That will assuredly lead to more accomplishments in your life.

 

BODY IMAGE

You know I had to save the best (or my favorite at least) for last. Yes, your body image can be affected by how much you invest in self-care.  Remember that self-care is an act of self-love.  When we practice self-love, it impacts the way we see ourselves and feel about our bodies.  The more we invest time in caring for and loving our bodies and selves, the more healing we will experience in our body relationship.  To make peace with the image you see in the mirror and the body you inhabit daily, you must prioritize caring for it.  Clear space in your life to build a loving relationship with you!  Confidence, self-esteem, and boldness will become more familiar and less foreign.  The more you put INTO your body relationship, the more you will get out of it.

After doing this work for over 7 years now, my top priority is always to be as authentic as possible.  As I’ve supported hundreds of people in making peace with their bodies, it’s been important that I use candor and vulnerability in sharing how I navigate the relationship that I have with my own body.

As “The Body Relationship Coach™”  I support people who are currently in a broken or challenging relationship with their body and experiencing pain around their body image. I help them heal their body image through self-care and holistic wellness, without body shame or judgment.  I do my healing work through coaching, speaking, and writing. It’s something that I am very passionate about because I love to see people like you discover freedom and peace in their body relationship.

I have gone through years of experience, education, and development to help me resolve my own body image issues from the past and to prepare me to coach others to find their own healing.  Yet, no matter how much I have evolved throughout my body journey and how much healing work I have done around my body image, I still experience challenges in my body relationship. I think it is important that I share the reality of those challenges to help you understand that maintaining a healthy, loving body relationship is an ongoing journey with highs and lows.

I practice self-care, and holistic wellness, and use affirmations.  I read liberating literature and network with body liberation activists, yet I still don’t feel “positive” about my body all the time.  I go through a gamut of feelings that you might find familiar and be able to relate to.

 

SOMETIMES I FEEL: 

• frustrated when my favorite outfit doesn’t fit anymore
• discouraged when I lose momentum in my movement routine and have to start all over from the beginning
• anxious if I eat certain foods in public because of fear that others will judge me (especially as a fat person)
• tempted to crash diet again, just to produce a body that will be more socially acceptable or look more “healthy” based on social standards
• exhausted by constantly fighting against social standards of beauty so that I can embrace my own body
• fear of body judgment when attending a large social event or speaking in public
• guilt when I choose to turn down work to prioritize self-care
• envy when I see a person who is celebrated for their physical “beauty” that fits the social norm
• sadness around the challenges that come from having a body with an invisible, chronic illness and fighting for healing

These are all true feelings I experience within my body relationship.  Sometimes I feel them separately. Sometimes I feel them simultaneously. Sometimes I bounce back quickly.  Sometimes it takes a while to move forward.  However, I want you to understand that no one is immune to challenges with their body relationship.  The relationship with our body is like any other one, and I often liken it to a romantic one.  When we commit to a love relationship with our partner, it doesn’t mean we never experience challenging moments.  Sometimes we have a new level of life challenges because we must learn how to connect, communicate, and compromise with the other party involved.  The challenges don’t mean that the relationship is bad. How we handle the challenges defines the strength of the relationship.

The same goes for your body relationship.  The feelings I listed above do not define my body relationship as “good” or “bad.”  The health of my body relationship is affected by how I deal with my feelings.

 

I PROCESS CHALLENGING FEELINGS BY:

• Accepting the feelings- I don’t deny what I am feeling:

“I am frustrated that my clothes don’t fit.”

• Releasing guilt, shame, or judgment around the feelings:

“It’s okay that I am frustrated right now.  It’s understandable that this would be frustrating”

• Sitting with the feelings- I ask myself questions to learn more about the origin of the feelings:

“Why am I frustrated? What am I afraid of? What do I want? What do I need?”

• Referring to my truth, and I use my truth to filter through whether the feelings align with my truth:

“I know that my body size fluctuates for different reasons. I know that I have been making the best choices for my body.

I know that I am still loved and worthy, and I can choose to be at peace with my body despite this visible change.”

• Creating an affirmation that honors both my feelings and my truth:

“At this moment, I feel frustrated that my clothes do not fit how I’d like them to, but I know that this is a part of body changes, and I honor my body even during the uncomfortable changes I am going through”

 

This is how I remain in a loving relationship with my body, even during difficult challenges.  I choose to honor my feelings, and I use my feelings as guides to help me learn how to connect with my body. Rather than allowing my feelings to cause me to turn against my body, I use them to show me my truth and where healing is needed in my body relationship. That is how I honor my commitment to love my body in good times and in bad, sickness and health, until death does us part.  Sound familiar??

The biggest part of managing challenging body image moments is releasing perfectionist energy.  Your body is not perfect.  You are not perfect.  You don’t have to behave perfectly towards your body at all times.  Allow the challenges to teach you.  They present opportunities to develop more patience, compassion, and acceptance.  All those things will strengthen your relationship with your body throughout your journey.  They will help you be more informed, confident, and powerful.  That’s the ultimate goal!

 

So what about you? Can you relate to any of the feelings that I shared?

Do you see how you can learn to be committed to loving your body, even though you may face challenges?

How do you manage challenging body image days?

I’d love to hear from you.  Share your feedback and thoughts in the comments below.

My relationship with my body is constantly evolving.  That also means my work as a coach, speaker, teacher, writer, and healer constantly evolves.  Because my work reflects my lived experience, I constantly embrace growth and expansion as I go along.  There were certain concepts that held a lot of power in the early part of my work. After coaching, speaking, teaching, and writing for over 10 years, I have gathered more insight and gained different perspectives.  This article is about the top 7 things I no longer subscribe to about bodies.  Many more have shifted, but these are some of the most impactful ones.  

In sharing this list, I am not claiming that my beliefs are absolute truths.  I am sharing to invite you to sit with these concepts and consider these perspectives.  If you find alignment or resonance in them, feel free to embrace them.  If you do not, then feel free to release them.  I always believe in following your own intuitive voice and tapping into your own power.  Those things will tell you what serves you and what doesn’t. 

 

#1 BODY POSITIVE 

This term has been co-opted and watered down by mainstream society to the point where it’s lost its meaning.  It focuses mainly on feeling good about your body, which is a binary perspective that leaves no room for the complexities of our relationship with our bodies. This is akin to the “good vibes only” perspective, where we only make room for “positive” experiences, energy, and perspectives.  It’s important to honor the shadows of our relationship with our bodies.  The body-positive movement has also been hyperfocused on the individual and neglects to consider the collective. Although we may begin with a focus on the relationship we have with our own bodies, the work doesn’t end there. The ultimate goal is to participate in liberation for all bodies to ensure all people have body autonomy and respect. 

 

#2 LOVE YOUR BODY

This phrase sounds quite “fluffy” and romantic but isn’t realistic for many people.  This also can be based on an idealistic perspective of our relationship with our bodies and not allow for authenticity, truth, and acceptance. I believe it’s important to give ourselves space to not love our bodies, especially for those who experience chronic pain, illness, trauma, etc. Body love is an option, but it is not an obligation.  In my work with coaching clients, I have found that many people feel the same pressure about “body love” as they feel about beauty, size, health, and more.  It can be yet another unattainable body standard they feel pressured to measure up to. This is why I embrace the term body peace because it tends to be more accessible to people of all body types. 

#3 DIET SHAMING

Shame never brings healing or liberation.  Shame and healing cannot occupy the same space.  That goes for shaming people who choose to diet.  Dieting can have a host of negative impacts on our mental, emotional, and physical well-being.  Shame can have the same negative impacts too.  I believe in autonomy for all bodies, no matter what. We have choices.  We have options.  It’s important to extend grace, compassion, and support to those who choose dieting as an option.  We can offer freedom and healing from dieting, but everyone has a right to govern their body.  No one benefits from shame at any time. 

#4 EAT ALL THE FOODS

Using this phrase as an alternative to food restriction or dieting can be a dismissive and privileged approach.  It ignores the nuances of food relationships, body type, and body needs.  Not everybody can “eat all the foods.”  Various allergies, illnesses, and intolerances may impact what foods are options for consumption.  I believe taking a nuanced approach to individual body terrain, and food chemistry is important.  Food is so much more than physical “fuel.”  It can nourish us mentally, emotionally, and spiritually too.  We can choose food with intention. Food freedom is choosing and consuming foods that serve us holistically.

#5 FAT POSITIVE

This term has become more popular in the past few years.  It’s one that can insinuate a toxic positivity towards fat bodies and the fat experience.  The truth is that there is pain, oppression, and other shadow components to living in a fat body.  To ignore those things is to minimize, simplify, and erase the fat experience. In my work and language, I prefer to focus on and lift up fat liberation because it’s focused on the right of fat people to exist in our fat bodies with freedom, autonomy, and respect.  Fat liberation also focuses on the right of fat people to access resources and care while enjoying respect and dignity.  These things go way beyond the “feel good” surface fat positivity.  

#6 ABANDON WELLNESS 

“Health and wellness” have been wielded as weapons of oppression against people for decades. The system has punished and rewarded people based on health status.  People have been marginalized based on their illnesses, body size, and physical condition.  This has led to people pursuing “health” incessantly.  The obsession with reaching and achieving the pinnacle of “health” has driven many people to self-destructive behaviors such as dieting, food restriction, excessive fitness, and more.  This negative association with “health and wellness” has caused people to reject the concepts altogether.  I believe this is “throwing the baby out with the bathwater.” While healthism and hyperfocus on health perfection are detrimental, I believe that exploring wellness can be beneficial to our lives.  I believe it’s possible to redefine wellness as a practice that prioritizes our holistic well-being and supports our overall vitality.  I believe that to flourish, it’s important and imperative to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical well-being.  Those things can be done without shame, oppression, or judgment.  Of course, no one is obligated to vitality, flourish, or thrive.  It is perfectly fine just to exist.  However, wellness is an option for those who prefer these life experiences. Wellness founded on self-care and love can be a form of empowerment for all bodies. 

#7 TAKE UP SPACE

This last term is less about deleting and refining it for me.  I love the phrase “take up space” so much that I’ve named my events after it.  It equates to living unapologetically and embracing our right to be seen, loved, and honored just as we are.  I still believe in all of those things.  However, my perspective about taking up space has evolved.  While I believe it’s important to “take up space,” I also believe it’s important to honor the space, energy, and magic of others while doing so.”Take up space” can equate to confidence.  However, confidence can flux.  It does not always have to be an outward statement or expression. At times it can be grounded in a quiet “knowing” of one’s power.  At times it can be honoring others and bowing to their energy.  Sometimes it may be speaking up and standing out from the crowd.  What I’ve come to believe is that confidence doesn’t only exist in grandiosity. There is a nuanced power in knowing when to expand and when to simply “be.”  

I’d love to get your feedback, thoughts, and questions in the comments.  

• Which one of these 7 things resonates with you the most? 
• Are there any that you disagree with? 
• Are there any that you’d add to the list?

 

LET’S DISCUSS IT! 

 

Have you ever been body shamed by someone who didn’t realize what they did? It is easy to body shame others around you without knowing it.  Even with all the body acceptance information that is now more readily available, many people are still learning about respecting other people’s bodies.

For years body hate has been socially acceptable and even promoted by society.  We have been inundated with messages about how to change our bodies and why our bodies are unacceptable.  Everything from the diet industry to the beauty industry is constantly telling us that we are not enough and our bodies are anything but good. There is a lot of unlearning left to do, and the more we release beliefs based on body hate and body judgment, the more we can embrace body acceptance for ourselves and others.

Knowledge is power when it comes to embracing body acceptance as a lifestyle. On your journey to body acceptance, you may discover that there are ways in which you body shame or judge others without even realizing it.  There will be some things you have done for years that you didn’t know were toxic to your own body relationship and others. I observe people body shaming others all the time.  Sometimes it is very intentional and motivated by hatred and violence.  However, there are times when people think they are being helpful but they are inadvertently shaming others about their bodies. 

As The Body Relationship™ Coach, I have written several posts to help you build a more loving relationship with your body.  However, I also want to help you be more accepting of those around you. I believe that if we can learn to be more accepting of ourselves and then pass that same acceptance and compassion to others, we can begin to shift towards a better society overall. 

When interacting with friends, loved ones, or anyone in your social circle, here are five ways that you may be shaming them about their bodies unintentionally:

 

YOU MENTION A CHANGE IN THEIR BODY SIZE

Most of us know that it is rude and insensitive to tell another person that they look like they’ve gained weight.  However, it isn’t common knowledge that making a comment about someone losing weight can be just as insensitive.  Any unsolicited comments about a person’s body weight are inappropriate. There are so many reasons that a person may gain or lose weight.  There may be a health challenge, disordered eating, or body image issue that causes a person to fluctuate in their body size.  Society has conditioned us to believe that all weight gain is bad and all weight loss is good. When in fact, it is not that clear cut.  Each person’s body is unique, and their body is their business.  It is never appropriate to assume that a change in their body size is bad or good because we don’t know for sure. As an alternative, I suggest that you give people weight-neutral compliments.  That means complimenting them without addressing their body size at all. If you want to compliment someone, here are some weight-neutral alternatives:

• “You are glowing lately!”
• “You have such a beautiful spirit!”
• “I enjoy being around you.”
• “You are an inspiration.”
• “You are a great (friend, sister, partner, etc.) to me.”
• “You are a magical being.”

Those are just a few weight-neutral suggestions that have nothing to do with physical appearance.  They can uplift a person no matter their body type or size.  Can you think of any more? Feel free to share them in the comments!

 

YOU COMMENT ON THEIR FOOD CHOICES

We all have friends and loved ones we care about and want them to be healthy and thrive in life, right? I get it.  As a holistic wellness coach, I know a lot of information about food and nutrition that I often want to share with others because I love them.  However, it is also important to remember that each person’s body is their business.  I know it can be challenging to embrace this concept. Many of us are anxious about all our society’s health and wellness information.  We worry about chronic and terminal illnesses.  We may have even experienced illness ourselves or watched a loved one suffer.  But we must remember that it is not our place to give unsolicited advice to others about their food or nutrition choices.   It is never encouraging or uplifting to bombard a person with the latest diet and nutrition information that we heard.  That can feel like shaming or judging the other person; it does more harm than good.  Here are a few things to keep in mind:

• No two bodies are the same.  Your food choices may not affect another person in the same way.
•  Not all people have the same goals when it comes to food and nutrition.  We cannot assume that they do.
• Each person has a right to choose the foods they want to feed their body.  We don’t have to agree with those choices.

 One way to support someone is to create a safe space for them to share with you and listen without shame or judgment.  If a person chooses to talk with you about their food or nutrition choices and ask for your opinion, that opens the door for you to share your perspective.  However, giving your feedback as an opinion and not a rule is essential.  It is more affirming and comforting to have a conversation that consists of mutual sharing rather than telling another person what they “should” be doing.  You can help by allowing others to explore and learn what works for them.  It can be pretty empowering!

 

YOU COMMENT ABOUT THEIR FITNESS ROUTINE

 

This is a common form of body shaming, similar to commenting about food choices.   You may have found a fitness or exercise routine that “works” for you, and you may be eager to suggest it to others.  However, every person has the right to practice autonomy when it comes to their body.  They are free to choose how they will move their bodies or if they will even move at all.  I know our society has taught us to think more highly of people who go “beast mode” at the gym.  We assume that those people care more about themselves and love their bodies more than those who don’t regularly exercise.  You know what? That is making assumptions and judging others about how they govern their bodies.  Here are a few things to keep in mind about body movement:

 

• No two bodies are the same.  Your fitness choices for your body may not affect another person’s body similarly.
• Not all people have the same goals when it comes to fitness and exercise.  We cannot assume that they do.
• Each person has a right to choose how they want to move their body.  We don’t have to agree with those choices.

 

There are so many options for people to choose from regarding body movement, but the most important thing is that it contributes to their holistic health.  That means people must make choices that benefit them mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.   When a person makes a choice based on how it nurtures them holistically, rather than what other people pressure them to do, it is more likely to bring them joy.  That joy is better for their well-being than shaming, judgment or social pressure.  Support others in finding their happiness.

 

YOU COMMENT ON THEIR CLOTHING CHOICES

 

Have you ever seen someone wearing something that you felt was inappropriate and decided to help them by commenting on it?  Let’s keep it real. We have all judged someone based on their clothing.  It’s sort of ingrained in our psyche, right? We believe that what you wear says a lot about you.  So, we feel that we have to “dress to impress” and that other people around us should too.  That social belief makes it easy for us to think that it’s okay to comment on the clothing of others when in fact, it’s not.  It is never our right to tell another person what looks good or bad on their body.  Even when it comes to our friends and loved ones, policing their bodies by commenting on their clothing can be a form of body shaming.  So what should you do if a friend asks your opinion? One way to affirm your loved one is to ask them, “how does it make you feel?”  The question will help them tune into their inner voice and make clothing choices based on their relationship with their body.  Fashion and clothing can be forms of self-expression, and by exploring different styles, people can affirm their self-confidence. If you see a person wearing something that seems unusual to you, why not just appreciate them for their unique style and honor their freedom of self-expression? Celebrating their uniqueness will help you celebrate yours too.

 

YOU COMMENT ON THEIR SEXUAL CHOICES OR BEHAVIORS

 

Yes, I saved the most controversial one for last.  I feel that women are shamed the most regarding sexuality and sexual health choices.  Second to weight and appearance, a woman’s sexuality is constantly under critique in our society.  Women are judged for not having children or having too many.  Women are shamed for being too sexual or not being sexy enough.  Women are even blamed for sexual assault and violence that happens to them.  It is important to remember that sexuality and sexual choices are a part of the body relationship and, therefore, sacred.  Each human being has a right to choose how they will share their body, with whom they will share their body, and how often they will do so.  So how do you talk about sexual health with your partner affirmingly? Remember that your holistic health and well-being are essential, so if you share your body with someone, you must protect yourself and be informed. Of course, there are specific questions that you will need to ask your partner that will help determine whether or not you want to share your body with them.  Most importantly, remember that you can stand in your decisions and honor your body and self without shaming another person because their sexuality does not align with yours.  Each of us has different needs, desires, and belief systems regarding sexuality.   It is quite possible to honor our own without dishonoring another.

 

Did any of the things I mentioned remind you of how you have body-shamed others?

 

If so, there’s no need to feel any guilt about it.  Think of this as a moment of enlightenment and an opportunity for positive change.  Learning to be body positive is a journey.  You won’t unlearn everything at once.  Patience and commitment are essential.  Continue to be open to new ways of thinking about your own body and others.  As you embrace compassion and love for yourself, you will also be more understanding towards others.  If you need help, I’m here to assist!

 

 

Have you ever heard someone talk about “good” and “bad” foods? These words often appear in health, dieting, and even some wellness spaces. You might have seen lists separating the “good” foods from the “bad” ones in your doctor’s office, in a magazine article, or even on a wellness blog. 

The message behind these conversations is that some foods are bad for you, and others are good for you.  We are so used to this type of dialogue around food that we may not question it.

I WANT TO PROVOKE YOU TO QUESTION FOOD MORALITY 

If you haven’t heard of food morality, it’s okay. I wasn’t familiar with the term until I started doing my own work around my food relationship.  If you are familiar with the term, you know it’s a big part of why so many of us have struggled with food relationships. 

Food morality is about connecting our food choices to a moral value.  When we talk about “good” vs. “bad” or “healthy” vs. “unhealthy,” we are giving food a binary value and assigning a moral code to the foods we choose. Categorizing foods in the binary means that all foods are either good or bad for all people, which is not the case. Every person’s body is different. Every person’s body needs are different.  Therefore, every person’s body has different a different relationship with food. Also, food serves more than just our physical needs. 

Much of food morality is rooted in fatphobia and healthism. Fatphobia is an aversion to fat, a dislike of fat bodies, and a fear of becoming/being fat. Healthism is an obsessive preoccupation with health that prioritizes it above everything and equates it with human worth.  Food morality tells us that “good” foods help us avoid fatness and achieve supreme healthiness.  According to food morality, the less fat our body is, and the more healthy we are, the more valuable we are as humans. 

Food morality seeks to create a hierarchy of human worth through our food choices.  The more “good” foods we choose, the more valuable we are.  The more “bad” foods we choose, the less valuable we are.  This is why we sometimes experience feelings of guilt and shame about the food we eat.  That negative association can lead to disorders with eating, negative body image, and overall low self-confidence. 

Thinking of foods as “good” or “bad” can impact our ability to choose foods that serve us.  If we only choose based on a moral code created by a social health standard, it impairs our ability to learn what foods are best for our bio-individuality. I learned about bio-individuality while training as a health coach at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition.  Joshua Rosenthal created the term:

“Bio-individuality means there is not a one-size-fits-all diet, each person is a unique individual with highly individualized nutritional requirements.” In bio-individuality, we recognize each individual body will differ in their nutritional needs as a result of their external and internal factors like the foods we eat, our emotional thoughts, lifestyle patterns, and our surrounding physical environment.

It’s important to recognize that our individual needs vary, and many things can impact them.  How we choose our food can go BEYOND calories, fat, body size, etc. Our food choices impact our holistic well-being (mind, body, and spirit). When we think of our food outside of the binary “good” vs. “bad” and envision food as nourishment for our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual needs, we can begin to change our food relationship completely. 

IMAGINE CHOOSING FOOD FROM A LIBERATED MINDSET 

Choosing food that serves your needs is liberating! Diet companies and oppressive health brands make BILLIONS of dollars a year by keeping us in the food morality mindset.  As long as we feel guilt and shame about our bodies and the food we eat, we are prey for them to profit from our pain. They try to guilt us into “good” choices and shame us into changing our bodies based on society’s health and beauty standards.  The truth is that neither guilt nor shame leads us to true liberation. 

LET’S RECLAIM OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD

Have you ever been challenged by food guilt? You aren’t alone.  I’ve also experienced it, and it fueled over 20 years of toxic dieting. I STILL struggle with staying “guilt-free” sometimes, especially during the seasons when the diet industry inundates us with messaging about food and body size. 

  It would be best if you didn’t carry around the emotional weight and mental stress of food morality. You weren’t born feeling shame about your food choices. So, where did you learn it from? Thinking about your journey with food morality can help you break free if you so desire.

 Here are some reflection questions to help you focus on food liberation: 

• When did you first feel guilt about something you ate?
• What was the first message you ever heard about food morality?
• How does food morality show up in your choices and words for yourself?
• How does food morality influence your words and behaviors towards others?
• What are some of the benefits of divesting from food morality?
• What are some ways in which food serves you beyond the physical?

Are you ready to reclaim freedom from food morality so you can begin choosing the foods that serve you? If you need help getting started, reach out to me.  I’m ready to support you!

 

 

There are many rules and opinions about what we should or should not do with our bodies. Everyone has a different perspective on beauty, health, weight, etc. I realized a while ago that radical body acceptance usually comes from breaking the rules.  Yes! That’s right.  If you really want to evolve into a loving space with your body, you will probably break many social “rules.”  That means you have to be willing to go against the norm and blaze your path in your body journey.  There are hundreds of ways to break the rules and honor your body.  There are as many ways to be radical as rules and expectations imposed by society.   Just in case you aren’t sure where to start with your rebellious body acceptance, I have five ideas to share with you:

Smash the Scale

You are so much more valuable than any finite number could describe.  Your worth is not defined by numbers on the scale, measuring tape, or the tag on your jeans.  Those numbers are in no way correlated to how much love you deserve because the truth is that you are worthy of infinite love.  Do you know that anxious, uncomfortable feeling you get when you prepare to weigh yourself? You don’t have to subject your body or emotions to that.  There are so many other ways to measure and track your body evolution on your wellness journey, including but not limited to the following:

• Noticing your energy levels
• Acknowledging changes in your endurance, strength, and stamina
• Honoring your connection to your body signals
• Celebrating improved consistency and commitment to your wellness choices and habits
• Expand your perspective to include all the ways you evolve as a being: mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually because it is all a part of your health and well-being.

Enjoy the Food

What have you been feeling guilty about when it comes to food? Do you eat something and then calculate how many minutes you must exercise to burn it off? Do you ever feel ashamed when you eat a dessert in public because you think other people might judge you? Have you felt compelled to explain your food choices to a friend or loved one? Do you deprive yourself of food as a punishment or a reward?

Food can be a way to nourish and honor your body.  It can be a way to connect with your body’s needs. You can learn more about your body and self by learning about your hunger, thirst, and cravings.  So, rather than judging the things you desire, you can learn to use them as guides on your journey towards body peace.  Yes! You can enjoy food and make eating an integral part of your body acceptance experience.  When you connect with your body, you can eat the cake, the apple, or whatever you choose and know why you made a choice.  Knowing your “why” will begin to free you from the judgment of self and others when it comes to food choices.  That newfound freedom will help you “eat to love and love what you eat!”

 Buy the Shoes

Have you ever wanted to buy a piece of clothing but battled with thoughts of what other people would think? Maybe you asked yourself:

• Is this too sexy?
• Is this age appropriate?
• Is this in style?
• Does this flatter my body?

I understand if you’ve had these thoughts or even asked your friend these questions while in the dressing room.  I’ve asked myself all of these questions before too.  However, dressing became much easier once I began to work on my body confidence and self-esteem.  I started to choose my clothing, shoes, and other accessories based on what allowed me to feel most fully expressed. What does that mean? When you are at peace with your body and accept yourself inside and out, you make choices that affirm that acceptance.  You can adorn your body as a form of self-expression and self-affirmation.  You no longer have to “dress to impress” others.  You become liberated from social expectations, shame, and judgment.  That doesn’t always mean being eccentric or garnering attention with your choices.  It can mean wearing what is comfortable for your body, what feels good on your skin, and what makes you feel most confident.

So next time you see those shoes, clothing, or earrings that feel good, don’t worry about anyone else’s opinion; buy them because they feed and nourish your soul!

Shake That Booty

There are advertisements, articles, and other messages about getting fit everywhere we look.  Most of the time, these messages are connected to the goal of getting thinner or sexier.  A “better body” is often the proverbial carrot that companies use to market fitness and exercise sales to consumers.  However, I want to remind you that a great way to honor your body is through movement that you enjoy.  Fitness and exercise are not about punishing or changing your body.  Body movement is a great way to connect with your body lovingly.  I know that it can be challenging to disassociate body movement from the concepts of extreme fitness and weight loss, but here are some ways you can start now:

• Try new activities- explore ways to move your body that you’ve never tried before
• Find something you absolutely LOVE and do it often- the more you enjoy an activity, the more rewarding it will be to your mind, body, and soul.
• Recruit a partner– find a friend or loved one and invite them to join to make it more fun.
• Buy the shoes- (this refers to the previous listing). Invest in gear that helps you feel comfy, confident, and excited to move your body.
• Release the numbers- don’t obsess over calories, miles, or hours; move to have fun!

Body movement can be fun, relaxing, and refreshing.  Use it as a way to love on you!

Cancel The Meeting

How often do you cancel your relaxation time to do something for others?  Maybe it’s for your family, friends, or even your occupation.  I understand how it is to be busy and weighed down with plenty of responsibilities.  However, it’s essential to make sure that you are prioritizing yourself too.  Self-care is one of the primary body relationship tools I teach my clients in coaching and workshops.  Connecting with, caring for, or honoring your body without focusing on self-care is impossible.  Sometimes the most challenging part of self-care is learning to say “no.”  But guess what? You will have to begin saying “no” to others so that you can say “YES” to yourself more.  Sometimes that “no” shows up as taking a few things off your plate and eliminating some items from your calendar.  Sometimes saying “yes” to your self-care shows up as canceling one of your five weekly meetings so you can rest your body and relax your mind.  The best thing about self-care is that there are no rules on how to do it.  It starts with identifying what you need and giving yourself those things one breath at a time.

Now that you have a few ideas of ways to begin honoring your body and nourishing your well-being, which one will you try first? Be sure to share this post with others who may benefit from this list too! 

 

Have you ever been body shamed by someone who didn’t realize what they did? It is easy to body shame others around you without knowing it.  Even with all the body acceptance information that is now more readily available, many people are still learning about respecting other people’s bodies.

For years body hate has been socially acceptable and even promoted by society.  We have been inundated with messages about how to change our bodies and why our bodies are unacceptable.  Everything from the diet industry to the beauty industry is constantly telling us that we are not enough and our bodies are anything but good. There is a lot of unlearning left to do, and the more we release beliefs based on body hate and body judgment, the more we can embrace body acceptance for ourselves and others.

Knowledge is power when it comes to embracing body acceptance as a lifestyle. On your journey to body acceptance, you may discover that there are ways in which you body shame or judge others without even realizing it.  There will be some things you have done for years that you didn’t know were toxic to your own body relationship and others. I observe people body shaming others all the time.  Sometimes it is very intentional and motivated by hatred and violence.  However, there are times when people think they are being helpful but they are inadvertently shaming others about their bodies. 

As The Body Relationship™ Coach, I have written several posts to help you build a more loving relationship with your body.  However, I also want to help you be more accepting of those around you. I believe that if we can learn to be more accepting of ourselves and then pass that same acceptance and compassion to others, we can begin to shift towards a better society overall. 

When interacting with friends, loved ones, or anyone in your social circle, here are five ways that you may be shaming them about their bodies unintentionally:

 

YOU MENTION A CHANGE IN THEIR BODY SIZE

Most of us know that it is rude and insensitive to tell another person that they look like they’ve gained weight.  However, it isn’t common knowledge that making a comment about someone losing weight can be just as insensitive.  Any unsolicited comments about a person’s body weight are inappropriate. There are so many reasons that a person may gain or lose weight.  There may be a health challenge, disordered eating, or body image issue that causes a person to fluctuate in their body size.  Society has conditioned us to believe that all weight gain is bad and all weight loss is good. When in fact, it is not that clear cut.  Each person’s body is unique, and their body is their business.  It is never appropriate to assume that a change in their body size is bad or good because we don’t know for sure. As an alternative, I suggest that you give people weight-neutral compliments.  That means complimenting them without addressing their body size at all. If you want to compliment someone, here are some weight-neutral alternatives:

• “You are glowing lately!”
• “You have such a beautiful spirit!”
• “I enjoy being around you.”
• “You are an inspiration.”
• “You are a great (friend, sister, partner, etc.) to me.”
• “You are a magical being.”

Those are just a few weight-neutral suggestions that have nothing to do with physical appearance.  They can uplift a person no matter their body type or size.  Can you think of any more? Feel free to share them in the comments!

 

YOU COMMENT ON THEIR FOOD CHOICES

We all have friends and loved ones we care about and want them to be healthy and thrive in life, right? I get it.  As a holistic wellness coach, I know a lot of information about food and nutrition that I often want to share with others because I love them.  However, it is also important to remember that each person’s body is their business.  I know it can be challenging to embrace this concept. Many of us are anxious about all our society’s health and wellness information.  We worry about chronic and terminal illnesses.  We may have even experienced illness ourselves or watched a loved one suffer.  But we must remember that it is not our place to give unsolicited advice to others about their food or nutrition choices.   It is never encouraging or uplifting to bombard a person with the latest diet and nutrition information that we heard.  That can feel like shaming or judging the other person; it does more harm than good.  Here are a few things to keep in mind:

• No two bodies are the same.  Your food choices may not affect another person in the same way.
•  Not all people have the same goals when it comes to food and nutrition.  We cannot assume that they do.
• Each person has a right to choose the foods they want to feed their body.  We don’t have to agree with those choices.

 One way to support someone is to create a safe space for them to share with you and listen without shame or judgment.  If a person chooses to talk with you about their food or nutrition choices and ask for your opinion, that opens the door for you to share your perspective.  However, giving your feedback as an opinion and not a rule is essential.  It is more affirming and comforting to have a conversation that consists of mutual sharing rather than telling another person what they “should” be doing.  You can help by allowing others to explore and learn what works for them.  It can be pretty empowering!

 

YOU COMMENT ABOUT THEIR FITNESS ROUTINE

 

This is a common form of body shaming, similar to commenting about food choices.   You may have found a fitness or exercise routine that “works” for you, and you may be eager to suggest it to others.  However, every person has the right to practice autonomy when it comes to their body.  They are free to choose how they will move their bodies or if they will even move at all.  I know our society has taught us to think more highly of people who go “beast mode” at the gym.  We assume that those people care more about themselves and love their bodies more than those who don’t regularly exercise.  You know what? That is making assumptions and judging others about how they govern their bodies.  Here are a few things to keep in mind about body movement:

 

• No two bodies are the same.  Your fitness choices for your body may not affect another person’s body similarly.
• Not all people have the same goals when it comes to fitness and exercise.  We cannot assume that they do.
• Each person has a right to choose how they want to move their body.  We don’t have to agree with those choices.

 

There are so many options for people to choose from regarding body movement, but the most important thing is that it contributes to their holistic health.  That means people must make choices that benefit them mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.   When a person makes a choice based on how it nurtures them holistically, rather than what other people pressure them to do, it is more likely to bring them joy.  That joy is better for their well-being than shaming, judgment or social pressure.  Support others in finding their happiness.

 

YOU COMMENT ON THEIR CLOTHING CHOICES

 

Have you ever seen someone wearing something that you felt was inappropriate and decided to help them by commenting on it?  Let’s keep it real. We have all judged someone based on their clothing.  It’s sort of ingrained in our psyche, right? We believe that what you wear says a lot about you.  So, we feel that we have to “dress to impress” and that other people around us should too.  That social belief makes it easy for us to think that it’s okay to comment on the clothing of others when in fact, it’s not.  It is never our right to tell another person what looks good or bad on their body.  Even when it comes to our friends and loved ones, policing their bodies by commenting on their clothing can be a form of body shaming.  So what should you do if a friend asks your opinion? One way to affirm your loved one is to ask them, “how does it make you feel?”  The question will help them tune into their inner voice and make clothing choices based on their relationship with their body.  Fashion and clothing can be forms of self-expression, and by exploring different styles, people can affirm their self-confidence. If you see a person wearing something that seems unusual to you, why not just appreciate them for their unique style and honor their freedom of self-expression? Celebrating their uniqueness will help you celebrate yours too.

 

YOU COMMENT ON THEIR SEXUAL CHOICES OR BEHAVIORS

 

Yes, I saved the most controversial one for last.  I feel that women are shamed the most regarding sexuality and sexual health choices.  Second to weight and appearance, a woman’s sexuality is constantly under critique in our society.  Women are judged for not having children or having too many.  Women are shamed for being too sexual or not being sexy enough.  Women are even blamed for sexual assault and violence that happens to them.  It is important to remember that sexuality and sexual choices are a part of the body relationship and, therefore, sacred.  Each human being has a right to choose how they will share their body, with whom they will share their body, and how often they will do so.  So how do you talk about sexual health with your partner affirmingly? Remember that your holistic health and well-being are essential, so if you share your body with someone, you must protect yourself and be informed. Of course, there are specific questions that you will need to ask your partner that will help determine whether or not you want to share your body with them.  Most importantly, remember that you can stand in your decisions and honor your body and self without shaming another person because their sexuality does not align with yours.  Each of us has different needs, desires, and belief systems regarding sexuality.   It is quite possible to honor our own without dishonoring another.

 

Did any of the things I mentioned remind you of how you have body-shamed others?

 

If so, there’s no need to feel any guilt about it.  Think of this as a moment of enlightenment and an opportunity for positive change.  Learning to be body positive is a journey.  You won’t unlearn everything at once.  Patience and commitment are essential.  Continue to be open to new ways of thinking about your own body and others.  As you embrace compassion and love for yourself, you will also be more understanding towards others.  If you need help, I’m here to assist!